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What Can You Do About It?
Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When their wives constantly avoid intimacy, it wears on them. If the wife is tired, let down, feels unsupported or irritated with something that her husband has done, she will likely not be interested in his sexual advances and push him away. Men know, or soon learn, that their wife wants emotional connection, wants to be romanced, supported and shown kindness. Yet even when he does all those things, she still may avoid sex. This confuses him, because he feels she is punishing him by withholding intimacy and affection. It is confusing because sometimes she really enjoys sex. Withholding affection and sex is a personal and puzzling topic that not everyone can easily discuss. If a wife feels not connected with her husband, she will be less interested in physical intimacy.
After Heather's marriage ended about 9 years ago, she decided to reexamine how she perceived sex. Now 43, she helps other people feel more comfortable in their bodies and in their relationships through her website DatingKinky. Here's what happened, in her own words. My marriage had ended, and I wondered what had gone wrong. It's always been my belief that a healthy sex life was critical to a relationship, but somehow, I'd gotten stuck in the mindset of, "Well, if he doesn't do x, y, and z, I just won't feel loving and sexy. Sometimes my body language alone was enough to communicate to my husband that we would not be having sex; other times, I would say I had a really long day and I was exhausted. The really sad thing is that I think feeling desired—being intimate—is what made my husband, like most men, want to do those little loving things that I needed in order to feel like having sex…. I think it's common that women turn off our response to sexual stimulus when we're hurt or upset or annoyed.
Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Image by iStock. Maybe your wife isn't initiating sex, or she seems to be actively avoiding it. Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you:. Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work.